Of Course Your Story's Original
by Noodlejelly
Summary: Harry is heartlessly flung from one universe to another, encountering the worst cliché’s in fanfiction along the way. Mary Sue’s, Draco in leather, predictably unlikely relationships and Voldemort lurk around every corner. Will he ever get home? Doubtful.


**Title: Of course your story's original**

**Synopsis: Harry is heartlessly flung from one universe to another, encountering the worst cliché's in fanfiction along the way. Mary Sue's, Draco in leather, predictable/unlikely relationships and Voldemort lurk around every corner. Will he ever get home? Doubtful. **

**A/N: Any spelling/grammar/plot mistakes that might occur throughout this story are meant to be there, I am making fun of them and they in no way reflect my own stupidity.**

**Disclaimer: I do own the Harry Potter Empire, I sent J. K. Rowling all the shillings I had collected along with a nice letter written in blood and amazingly she just handed all the characters over to me. **

* * *

**1. In which something happens**

* * *

'Haha victory is mine,' Ron cheered as his Queen brutally smashed Harry's remaining knight right off the chess board 

'It's not nice to crow Ron,' Hermione reprimanded disapprovingly from her seat nearby where she was, just for a change, reading some sort of spell book

Ron didn't reply to this but instead pulled a face as Harry concentrated on packing away the chess pieces

'Thanks for the game,' Harry said with a slight smile as Ron continued to glare at Hermione who was pointedly ignoring him

'Anytime mate, it's always a pleasure to beat you.'

'Are you two actually going to do some work now?' Hermione enquired finally putting her book down and turning to face them

'I suppose so.' Harry shrugged without much enthusiasm

Ron was squinting at the other side of the room. 'What was that?'

'What was what?' Hermione looked very sceptical at Ron and clearly thought that he was just trying to invent a distraction to get out of doing homework. To be fair, Harry had had the same thought.

'There.' Ron jumped up and pointed across the room

Looking round Harry and Hermione were just in time to spot a faint glow as something flew overhead

'No idea,' Harry said with a shrug

'Doesn't it look rather like a golden snitch?' Hermione asked looking rather confused

'Dunno,' Ron looked thoughtful for a few seconds, 'Catch it for us Harry.'

'What?'

'Go on, you're the seeker, catch it so we can see what it is.'

'That's a terrible idea, you've no idea what it is, what if it's something dangerous?'

Harry didn't need to see Hermione's face to know that she was about an inch away from cursing Ron, possibly literally.

However, Ron never seemed to pick up on these things and if he did he didn't care

'Oh come off it Hermione, not everything is cursed or evil, it's just a ball,' he scoffed

Hermione gave an enraged sound before opening her book again and turning her back on Ron and Harry who were still stood watching the ball zoom over them

Ron just shrugged in Hermione's direction before turning back to Harry with an imploring face. 'Go on Harry, you could practice seeking with it.'

'I don't know, what if Hermione was right?'

Harry had his doubts about just grabbing the mysterious ball no matter how tempting it might be just to see what it was. He hadn't learnt much in his years at Hogwarts, but he was finally starting to realise that when Hermione was cautious about something, it was generally wise to follow her lead.

'Pffft, ignore her, what's the worst that could happen?'

And with those immortal words Harry leapt and grabbed the ball as it flew over his head. But he never landed from the jump. As Ron insisted later Harry and the ball just vanished in front of him, and no matter how often Hermione reminded him that no-one could apparate inside Hogwarts, the fact remained that the boy-who-lived had disappeared.

* * *

Of course Harry didn't really know he had vanished and the fact that he had wasn't really his largest concern at the moment. He was still in Hogwarts, that much was clear, only he had no idea when Hogwarts had gone on such an … interesting decorating spree. It was true that since his sixth year had started he'd not paid that much attention to his surroundings, too busy thinking of the fight at the ministry and deep down still coming to terms with the fact that Sirius was really gone. But he was fairly sure even he would have noticed if Hogwarts had previously had pictures of Draco Malfoy taking up all possible wall space for as far as the eye could see. Even Lockhart would have been impressed. However, Harry was leaning more for mentally disturbing than impressive. 

Glancing at the ball in his hand he wondered what on earth was going on, when he had first disappeared from the common room he had suspected a deatheater plot, but what sort of plot was it to trap him in a seemingly empty castle with hundreds of Draco Malfoy portraits. Unless of course it was designed to make him ill from having to see at Malfoy's repulsive face wherever he went. Whatever was going on he felt sure that the strange ball had something to do with it and as Harry should have already learnt, whenever he noticed something, it meant it was bound to reappear later on.

Unfortunately for Harry, and for the poor readers, he hadn't learnt this at all. So, placing the ball in his pocket, he wandered down the corridor trying, unsuccessfully, not to look at the walls. After a few moments of this very boring wandering Harry heard a noise. A musical sort of noise, muffled, but rather like the music Harry imagined Arabian dancers had danced to. So, as Harry had nothing better to do, he followed the noise and as he approached the Great Hall it became clear that it was the source of the noise

'Harry,' a voice called

Turning round Harry was, for the first time in his life, ecstatic to see Neville Longbottom

'Neville, thank goodness, there's something really strange going on here.' Harry was just about to launch into his explanation of the strange ball and Malfoy's portraits but Neville's horrified face stopped him

Neville took a deep breath seemingly trying to calm his nerves from whatever he'd got himself worked up about this time. 'Never mind that, haven't you seen the time? We're late'

'For what?'

'Don't be silly, get a move on,' Neville snapped, an odd occurrence in itself, as he moved quickly towards the doors to the Great Hall.

Harry rather scared by how anxious Neville looked, thought it best to just enter the Great Hall and not risk Neville having a nervous breakdown. Opening the door, Harry would have stopped still in utter shock had Neville not showed entirely unbelievable strength and managed to drag him towards the main stage where Harry's eyes were fixed in horror.

Never, had any scene so utterly ludicrous, possibly appeared before Harry's eyes.

The Great Hall was packed full with students all staring at the main stage.

And with good reason.

For 20 rather supple young scantily clad women were dancing in what was a better version of belly dancing that Harry had once seen on the TV at Privet Drive. And in the midst of all this writhing of flesh sat a large green throne and upon this throne sat a smirking Draco Malfoy.

'You,' Harry hissed in horror

'Lord, Master, Giver of all things good in the universe, Harry and I are so so sorry for been late.' Neville's voice came from near Harry's feet where Neville had thrown himself on the ground in front of the stage and appeared to be begging or praying Harry couldn't decide which

'Fine Longbottom, make sure to polish all the statues of me to repay your sins towards me,' Malfoy drawled while paying close attention to the dancer just in front of him.

'Of course, it would be my pleasure,' Neville beamed broadly and backed away from Malfoy still on all fours.

Harry determined to get things back to normal, and more importantly keen to punch Malfoy for just generally existing clambered up onto the stage and started towards the throne.

'I should have known you'd be behind this you piece of scum.'

Harry's mind was right in there beating Malfoy to a mushy pumpkin like mash.

Unfortunately, his body was not.

'Hey, let go of me, he's got you all brainwashed, it's all a wicked plot,' Harry struggled pointlessly as several bodyguards in the Crabbe and Goyle mould held him back.

Malfoy smirked in a most annoying manner. 'Let him go. I will hear what he has to say.'

Harry manfully maintained his dignity as he was dropped to the floor. 'Damn right you will. I know this is all your doing. The portraits, the weird music, the dancers, everyone praising you.'

'Of course it's my doing, how else would I rule Dracoland?' Malfoy rolled his eyes and continued smirking as though Harry was merely some sort of amusing pet and not really his arch-nemesis at all.

'Dracoland? Dracoland? What sort of power trip are you on? Make this stop immediately.' Harry commanded, feeling more than slightly miffed at how events were turning out.

'I have no idea what you're talking about, but I can't allow you to disrupt Dracoland so, guards exterminate him.'

Luckily for our hero, he had a sudden inspired plan.

Before the nearest guard could grab him Harry pulled the ball out of his pocket and threw it as hard as he could at Malfoy's head. Just as it struck a very surprised Malfoy's crown, it glowed a yellowy colour, but before Harry could celebrate his strike, the Great Hall started spinning and when it stopped Harry was all alone. Feeling rather triumphant at the lack of Malfoy portraits, Harry surmised that Malfoy had realised the game was up and restored everything to normal. Now all Harry had to do was go back to the Common Room and tell Ron and Hermione all about his latest adventures.

* * *

Harry was feeling rather smug as he made his way through the halls of Hogwarts, halls that held no hint of Draco Malfoy. He had once again beaten Malfoy at his own game and he knew Ron and Hermione would be happy to applaud him for it, or if they weren't, he'd tell Neville instead. Harry was so pleased with himself that he almost walked straight past the portrait waving happily at him. But some mysterious force of nature – occasionally known as a plot – made him turn back and look at the wall. A wall with a large gold framed portrait on it. A portrait of an old man with a long beard. An old man with a long beard, green eyes and glasses. An old man with a long beard, green eyes, glasses and a lightning blot on his forehead. And just for those who hadn't figured it out, a helpful sign underneath read 'Harry Potter. Headmaster of Hogwarts 2050 – 2099'. 

Harry's immediate thoughts were not that such a portrait should surely have been in the Headmaster's office rather than some random corridor, but instead that he really didn't suit grey hair. However, a more important point soon occurred to him that if he was Headmaster until 2099 then not only was he more than 100 years in the future but he was more than likely dead. Which led to the question, what on earth was going on?

Harry looked down at his hands and was relieved to see they looked the same as ever, surely if he was old or dead his hands would have aged somewhat.

Not quite sure what else to do Harry wandered rather nervously down the corridors looking for someone to talk to. However the author realised that she had no further plotline for this part of the story. And so somewhere in a land far, far away a ball glowed and although Harry had no idea how he was back in front of his own portrait and suddenly the portrait changed into one of an old woman glaring rather haughtily at him.

Rather shaken by this experience Harry decided it was best to press onwards and try and find someone who knew what was going on.

Suddenly a thought struck Harry. Not literally because that would have hurt. But hadn't Ron said only the other day that the twins had invented the most absolutely mind-blowing trick ever? And Ron was the first one to have spotted the mysterious ball. And hadn't it been Ron who'd been so keen for him to catch the aforementioned ball? Well, now it was all clear to Harry, this was all one big joke. Some sort of trick to make him see weird things. All he had to do was find Ron and everything would return to normal and he could start planning a way to pay Ron back.

Feeling very pleased with himself he finally made it back to the bottom of the Gryffindor Tower. He felt sure that this was some sort of stupid joke, possibly Ron's idea of a way to cheer him up, probably helped by the Twins and their daft inventions

'There you are handsome.'

Harry didn't stop climbing the stairs, clearly whoever this girl was she wasn't talking to him.

'Hey Harry, stop.'

That did make Harry stop and turn around to see Ginny Weasley stop a few stairs below him.

'Hi Ginny. Have you been sent to find me?' Harry asked feeling rather touched that Ron and Hermione had not left him all alone during their little joke.

'Nope just wanted to get you on your own, we have some unfinished business,' Ginny said with what Harry thought was a rather purring quality to her voice. Harry was rather bewildered, he couldn't think of any business he had with Ginny, let alone unfinished business.

'We do?'

Ginny's face showed him that that was entirely the wrong answer. Harry – remembering the tales of her bat bogey hex – backtracked as fast as he could. 'Of course, unfinished business, that unfinished business, I remember'

Ginny looked noticeably happier but Harry had no time to feel relieved. Ginny tore off her school robes and threw them to one side before looking up at Harry expectantly.

Harry didn't know where to look. Ginny had clearly forgotten to dress properly that morning. Surely that material wasn't really meant to be a skirt, and as for that top, well it seemed as though somebody had made it transparent.

'Well,' Ginny prompted as though she expected Harry to say something.

'Erm,' Harry began, before realising that the few thoughts he did have were far too adult to appear in a story such as this.

'Don't you like it?' Ginny asked pouting and Harry felt his cheeks heat up.

'Of course,' Harry replied automatically. When Ginny didn't stop pouting, Harry hastened to continue so that he could get out of there as soon as possible. 'The top really … really,' Harry stared at the top in question and couldn't help feeling rather proud she had once fancied him, 'it really … flatters you,' he finished lamely.

Ginny smiled happily and walked up to stand on the step above him and Harry really couldn't have avoided looking at her undressed state, she was standing entirely too close to him.

Just as Harry was trying to think of a good excuse to leave, Ginny threw her arms around his neck and Harry faced with the decision to fall backwards down the stairs or hold onto Ginny, choose the latter, but only just.

It was a mistake.

Ginny was kissing him and Harry didn't have a clue what to do, all he could think was that Ron was going to kill him. As soon as Ginny came up for air, Harry took his chance and wrenched himself free of Ginny's arms and ran. Ran for dear life.

And somewhere over the rainbow, a ball glowed.

* * *

Harry wondered how he was suddenly in the Great Hall and why on earth that blasted ball was in his hand again. He could have sworn he'd thrown it at Malfoy's head, and it was a pretty good throw, if he did say so himself, which he just had done. 

Giving the ball what he considered was a rather shrewd and inquiring look Harry placed it on the edge of the Hufflepuff table. The ball stared back, quite threateningly in Harry's opinion. Harry decided that now would be a good time to put some distance between him and that bloody ball and so went to a conveniently placed window, threw the ball as hard as he could through it and exited the Great Hall.

Standing in the Entrance Hall trying to decide where to go, Harry realised that in the shadows was an equally confused figure who was also trying to decide where to go. Something – possibly a quickly unravelling plotline – made Harry stare at the figure who seemed strangely familiar; it was almost as though he knew him (cough cough, wink wink).

Harry's thoughts raced. The red car won.

Harry's thoughts raced a bit more. The man looked rather like … but no, it wasn't possible … the shaggy hair … but he'd seen him die … the bad dog smell … but ... at this moment the man ended all doubt by stepping out of the shadows towards Harry wearing a helpful badge proclaiming 'I am Sirius Black'.

All the million things he wished he'd said to Sirius, all the nights he'd prayed to a God he had never believed in that his godfather was still alive, all the letters he'd started only to realise he had no one to send them to, all these things vanished from his mind as Harry stared blankly at the figure in front of him.

Somewhere in the back of Harry's mind – an interesting place that will no doubt be revisited at some future point – he had a vague feeling that he should be doing something more than just gawping.

Harry, bless his little cotton socks, wasn't the smartest of heroes and Sirius was prepared to accept that but after an entire minute of Harry not saying anything Sirius realised it was up to him to break the silence. 'What are you doing here?'

Harry was rather startled to say the least. He didn't know exactly what he'd wished Sirius would be able to say to him but it was more along the lines of 'Good to see you' than 'what are you doing here'. Considering this it was understandable that Harry replied with a rather annoyed, 'Never mind what I'm doing here. What are you doing here?'

Sirius had to admit that the boy-who-never-thought-thinks-through had an interesting point. Looking around the Entrance Hall he really couldn't think of any reason he could be there. Turning back to Harry he looked slightly puzzled. 'Hmm I'm not sure. Have you seen any women around? Only good-looking ones mind'

'Women?'

Sirius should have considered that Harry probably wouldn't even know what a woman was. After all Harry wasn't a complete stud muffin like Sirius and so wouldn't have been fending off beautiful women from the moment he was born. 'Never mind.' Sirius paused for a few seconds thought. 'Am I here to save the world?'

'Are you?' Harry asked in surprise. It wasn't that he didn't think Sirius could save the world; it was just that saving the world had always seemed more of a Harry thing to do and he wasn't sure he wanted Sirius to be saving the world when he should be spending time pondering the marvel that was his godson.

'Ah, I'm probably just here to have a bonding session with you'. Sirius nodded wisely as the secrets of the universe filled his head because the author was bored of the characters acting so darn stupid.

'But you're dead.'

It was Sirius's turn to look surprised - in doing so, the secrets of the universe left his head – and turn on his immense charm. 'No I'm not. Drop dead gorgeous, deadly good looks but not just dead'

'But …,' Harry spluttered

Sirius rolled his eyes and keeping his charming grin on his face (the grin was so charming it was actually outlawed in seven countries) backed towards the door. 'Tell you what Harry, we'll do this…' he waved his hand vaguely as he searched for the appropriately convincing word, '…bonding thing later. Right now I have a date to go on, then I have to brood but look dashingly handsomely while doing so. I'll see you around.'

And after saying that Sirius threw the door open and sped through it as though his life depended on it, which it might well have done because a militant group of terrorists were writing evil fanfiction which proclaimed the God-like Sirius Black had been killed by a measly deatheater. Ludicrous. Absolutely ludicrous.

'But …' Harry spluttered once more after Sirius's fleeing form. The main purpose of this spluttering had been to bring the readers' attention back to his wonderful self and now that it was, the story could continue merrily.

And as though the ball knew the exact moment a scene ended it glowed its merry glow.

* * *

Harry wanted to make absolutely clear to anyone who might be interested that he was emotionally distraught after his encounter with Sirius and would have indulged in his usual bout of self-pity and anger but he was rather busy at the moment following some women clad in leather bikinis 

The aforementioned women clad in leather bikinis were not a feature that Harry thought was normal for a school of wizardy. Or any school for that matter. But Harry felt that with all the strange things happening at the moment, it would only be wise for him to follow these women and make sure they weren't up to anything decidedly sinister. So for the sake of small puppies, cuddly toys and children everywhere, Harry bravely followed as the women wove their possibly evil way through Hogwarts corridors.

It wasn't long – because the author got bored quickly – before the women (who were bikini clad in case the fact had escaped you) stopped inside the Potions classrooms/dungeons/Snape's private torture chamber.

Harry still pondering how best to introduce himself – 'Hi I'm the boy-who-lived, perhaps you've heard of me?' or 'I'm rich and have no qualms about sex and money, how about you?' – only realised they'd stopped when he heard the dungeon door slam shut.

Rather annoyed at having his thoughts interrupted, Harry turned back to berate whoever had slammed the door only to find himself face to face with a sight that he knew if he survived would take a lifetime of therapy to recover from. For before him, clad head to toe in leather, was Professor Snape.

'I'm home.' Snape said with a macho voice and sinister grin as he pulled a whip from god knows where and cracked it sharply in the air.

All the bikini clad girls sighed with what Harry assumed was horror but in actual fact was adoration and rushed forwards towards Snape.

Harry believing – as any sane person would – that the women were rushing for the door decided that he was not under any situation been left alone in the same room as Snape started pushing past the women and headed for safety. Reaching the door first he pulled it open and stopped to take a breath of freedom only to hear the door slam behind him again. Which, Harry realised in horror, meant that all those lovely women were in a shut room with Snape and his whip, by choice.

Harry's screams filled the air as he ran as fast as possible back up the flights of stairs until he finally reached the Great Hall where he stopped dead still. Sat on the table nearest to him was the ball. And just as Harry was backing away in horror, the ball glowed.

Just guess what happened next.

* * *

With the ball firmly back in his hand, Harry gave in to the helpless feeling inside him and pocketed it as the feeling of despair began to overcome him. 

'HARRY,' a girl shouted. And Harry's despair vanished. He was saved, for no measly ball could be a match for Hermione Granger.

Harry had never been so grateful to see anybody in his entire life. And speaking of seeing Hermione, he wondered why her hair was so unnaturally shiny, it was practically glowing with some sort of demonic potion, Harry suspected oil or one of Neville's potions. He opened his mouth to ask what sort of unfortunate accident had befallen her hair.

'Hermione I love your hair today, it's just like sooo gorgeous, much better than that ugly bushy hair.'

It sounded like Harry, the words came from Harry's mouth and the fact there was no-one else in the corridor rather ruled out the possibility that anyone else had spoken. But Harry still had no recollection of planning to say anything along those lines.

Hermione on the other hand seemed thrilled by Harry's words and was beaming happily at him. 'Thanks Harry, I just hope Ron will notice me now'

Putting aside his weird words of earlier, Harry was relieved; clearly Hermione was only acting so out of character because of some sort of feelings for Ron. He had in the past thought that Ron and Hermione might have some sort of romantic inclinations to each other, this was far less disturbing a scenario than any others he'd had over the last few hours.

'But Hermione I'm in love with you'.

Harry leapt into the air and clapped his hands over his mouth in horror. There was clearly some sort of dark magic at work here manipulating everything he said.

A thought entered Harry's mind.

Slowly.

Painfully slowly.

Rather too slowly to be believable.

Harry realised that something or somebody else was controlling everything he said.

Unfortunately Harry's thought process was interrupted by the realisation that Hermione had at some point enveloped him in what could only be described as a stranglehold around his neck. Harry entertained the notion that she might be trying to kill him, but that idea vanished as Hermione, like Ginny and Cho before her, pressed her lips to Harry's.

And for the first time since he'd vanished from the Gryffindor common room Harry admitted to himself that something was terribly terribly wrong.

Luckily (because the author was no good at writing kissing scenes) the ball decided that it was high time for Harry to move on and so Harry was magically transported elsewhere.

* * *

This time Harry needed no clues to work out where he was. The portraits on the wall, sorting hat on the shelf, stupid shiny silver things on the desk … oh wait, they are clues. Anyway, Harry was in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was currently nowhere to be seen. And Hermione had spent several moments kissing a very ecstatic portrait before realising her mistake and skipping off to find her next one true love. 

Harry was relieved that he was alone at last to try and figure things out. Why wouldn't the ugly ball leave him alone? Why did he keep disappearing and then reappearing in a different place? Why were Ginny and Hermione so intent on kissing him? Why was Sirius alive and not acting all sulky? What evil potion had Snape drugged those women with? Where could he get some?

'Moooo.' A strange mysterious voice echoed above him.

Harry looked up in surprise. He never knew they had cows at Hogwarts. Perhaps that was why they had beef so often.

A glimmer of white caught his eye and turning back to his headmaster's desk Harry was surprised to see the seat taken. He now he a sneaking suspicion about where the cow noise had come from. 'Professor Dumbledore?'

'Sorry I was just acting lovably eccentric. Now what can I do for you?' Dumbledore smiled in a way that Harry would have previously described as a loving grandfather but now saw as more of a crazed beggar.

'Nothing.'

Dumbledore smiled again. Then spoke very slowly. 'Perhaps you misunderstood me. I – the wonderful Albus Dumbledore – can explain and solve any dilemmas you might have if you just tell me about them'

Harry, feeling rather bored, stared back. 'I'm fine'

'No you're not and I refuse to keep acting like a fool and ignore the fact you're in some sort of undoubtedly dangerous plot that will land you and many others in peril. So tell me what's going on, I can deal with it and you can be a normal schoolboy.' Dumbledore snapped gesturing wildly in annoyance, knocking over his beloved bowl of sherbet lemons in the process.

That was just Harry's luck. Finally Dumbledore wanted to help him, just when he wanted nothing less than to have to admit to needing his help. Finally Harry sullenly replied, 'Fine I'll tell you but you'll never believe it'

Dumbledore looked rather hurt. Harry hoped he wasn't going to cry again, it was rather cheating in disagreements to make a poor emotionally stunted teenager think they'd made an old man cry. 'Considering what I've already believed from you with little or no proof I think that's a rather unfair statement'

Harry glared, just because he hadn't glared at Dumbledore nearly enough in the past, before recounting his disastrous day. 'Fine. I grabbed this stupid ball and it made me vanish from the Gryffindor common room, I reappeared in a corridor filled with portraits of Draco Malfoy, then the ball glowed and I vanished to reappear in a place where Ginny Weasley kissed me, then somewhere where Sirius was alive but really weird, then a horrid place where Snape was surrounded by beautiful women, then I was in a place where Hermione was some sort of air-headed bimbo and probably I've been to a few other places that I've forgotten.'

'Ah.'

Harry waited in what he thought was a very patient manner for Dumbledore to explain. Dumbledore thought Harry's stance looked rather aggressive. But all that was beside the point because it became clear to Harry that Dumbledore didn't intend to speak again.

'What the heck does Ah mean?' Harry snapped.

'It means I'm smart and you're not.'

Dumbledore looked far too smug for Harry's liking, but the fact remained that Dumbledore might be Harry's only means to ever getting back home so Harry forced himself to politely ask. 'You know what's going on?'

'Of course I do, I'm only here to explain things to you after you've invariably screwed them up. It's my only role in life now to explain things to ignorant youths.'

Harry wondered if Dumbledore had always seemed this bitter or if it was a new development.

'Well explain.'

'The ball lets you travel between alternate universes,' Dumbledore said while picking at a stray piece of thread on his robe. Glancing up to see Harry still staring at him, he heartily added, 'Higgledy Piggledly boo'

'Huh?'

Dumbledore smirked quite annoyingly and Harry was struck with a desire to learn an unforgivable to practice on the headmaster. 'I just thought my explanation wasn't long enough or confusing enough so I added some extra words.' And with that Dumbledore vanished again.

Harry once again finding himself alone in Dumbledore's office couldn't stop himself from wishing that he'd never even heard of the wizarding world, let alone Severus 'leather fetish' Snape.

* * *

Review or everything you hold dear will be eaten by a gnome. 


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